A Premonition of Love

"恋の予感" (koi no yokan) refers to the feeling experienced upon first meeting someone, a premonition of inevitable love. Its an intuitive sense, a gut feeling at the initial encounter, a first glance, becoming the sole driving force behind the love. There are no specific qualities or traits that lead to it, except for the inexplicable knowing that one will fall in love with the person, even without fully understanding who they are. While some may perceive a degree of danger and foolishness in this concept, and not everyone may believe in it, I find this to be my way of falling in love—the only catch being, the fact that I don’t believe in love (anymore—at least).

Love, to begin with, is such a strange concept—a foolish concept too. It seems so simple, yet it’s complexity defies any easy understanding; it’s ubiquitous, yet challenging to find; it brings indescribable joy, but like a double edged sword, it also carries the weight and the poignant sting of sorrow, no not a sting of sorrow, but it will gut you till you bleed out. Like a flame, it burns brightly for a moment and then quickly vanishes, leaving behind only the remnants of warmth, life, and color—leaving you all alone, in the cold, dark room. And people, like moths drawn to the flame, are irresistibly drawn to love—even when they are fully aware that within its embrace lie the deepest pains of life. And I wonder, perhaps the reasp even long after the fire has died, people linger in that residual warmth of love. They clutch onto the fading glow as their source of life and energy, a guiding light to navigate the challenges that lie ahead in the journey of their lives. After all, like C.S. Lewis said, to love, is to be vulnerable.

I think I love how in "恋の予感" there are no specific qualities or traits that lead to it. There are no boxes to check, no pros and cons to weigh, no contemplating on whether its all worth it or not. Its just a simple fact, an inexplicable knowing that one will fall in love. Come to think about it, that is how I choose to love, so foolish yet so easy to love. Thats how I want to be loved. I want to be loved so foolishly—that it leaves me so exposed and defenseless.

Yours Always,

“At the Brink of Life”

“Battleship”